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People get out of the way much faster now.Gone are the days when girls used to cook like their mothers. Now they drink like their fathers.You know that tingly little feeling you get when you really like someone? That’s common sense leaving your body.I didn’t make it to the gym today. That makes five years in a row.I decided to stop calling the bathroom the “John” and renamed it the “Jim”. I feel so much better saying I went to the Jim this morning.The biggest lie I tell myself is...”I don’t need to write that down, I’ll remember it.”If God wanted me to touch my toes, He would’ve put them on my knees.Last year I joined a support group for procrastinators. We haven’t met yet... Why do I have to press one for English when you’re just going to transfer me to someone I can’t understand anyway?Of course I talk to myself; sometimes I need expert advice.At my age “Getting lucky” means walking into a room and remembering what I came in there for.Actually I’m not complaining because I am a. "It's the only reason it exists: to become free of fear and illusion, of hiding behind those fears, and becoming completely naked and making love at last." I know," I said. "And he'll do it, but I wouldn't be surprised if he found a way to edit it out. I just wish Cronenberg did porn. He loves flesh prosthetics special effects." Who is Cronenberg?" asked Molly."Ooh, I love his movies," said Fanny and bounded away. "I'll show them to you," she said from the family room."You have Videodrome?" I asked loudly."Of course. And Existenz and the Brood and the Fly and Naked Lunch." Come on, Molly. We're about to have a festival of dementia." Sounds fun," said Molly.We walked hand in hand to the family room where I sat in the middle of the overstuffed leather couch, giving room for Fanny to join me on my right, Molly of course nestling at my left. We began with Videodrome, David Cronenberg's first big cult success. As it began I remembered I needed to make a couple phone calls."Go ahead," said.
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